My outlook at life... In short
I have been fighting this thing called Cancer (Grey-zone Lymphoma) for over 11 years now. I've been fighting to get rid of it. To get it out of my life. But I lived with it enough to become almost synonymous with it.
Because of this I believe that time has come for me to embrace the human-being this difficult road forged out of me. To look at life from a different perspective. And maybe help reach someone out there currently struggling emotionally, or fighting for their life as I am.
As I live through this, I experience many social deficiencies associated with this particular illness. The biggest issue is that it is not physically evident, that you are sick. And when you are around people, family especially, they see a normal healthy person. As far as they can tell when you tell them that you're in pain, is that you're simulating! And that is infuriating to hear. This illness is hidden inside and is acting slowly. This is what makes it extremely horrifying. And this brush-off mentality from the people who are supposed to be closest to you, hurt you without knowing it, and the pain they cause is much, much, much greater than anyone else trying to tell you that you're sick. Being dull and under-educated about what you have and scared to death that they will get it too. They don't realize the super important role they are supposed to play in getting you better! But what ends up happening is that they instantly burn out, and leave you alone with your thoughts of horror and death. And Only I can say Just how much patients of such illnesses need emotional support! They need another family member cheering him on, they need attention, so that they don't lose the train of thought that everything will be ok. That they are with us.....but NO. The Relatives get scared and disappear from your life totally and completely.
One other thing that I keep hearing over and over from people, "just eat healthy", I don't know where to begin on that. I'm talking about the well-wishers, not people who genuinely want you better.
We are all unique human beings. We react to "stressors" in our day-to-day life differently. Besides genes, we are surrounded by other factors that weigh-in on how we feel all the time. Our tolerance to endure through a stressful situation is also based on our individual experience with life. Our character forms over time and changes slightly over the years to weld together our final self, our soul.
One thing that makes us human and not robots is fear. It is out of fear that we are are driven toward different paths in life. Fear for our survival enables us to love. But there are two sides to the fear I'm talking about. A brighter and a darker side. We are given a choice to choose which side to live by. Of course, no one knows how they are "behaving" in life initially. We are all too busy living without thinking about the consequences of the way we act. However, there come times in life, such as obstacles that need to be overcome or events that drastically effect one's life that causes a trigger in our brains to evaluate or re-evaluate ourselves. Then we think, "How did we get to where we are today, was it something we did right or wrong?; What was it?; Was it even our doing?" "...What now, what do I do next?; How do I survive?..." ...I face these questions every single day. For some of us it is either easier or harder to get passed it depending on the situation.
...To Be Continued.
Nikita
Because of this I believe that time has come for me to embrace the human-being this difficult road forged out of me. To look at life from a different perspective. And maybe help reach someone out there currently struggling emotionally, or fighting for their life as I am.
As I live through this, I experience many social deficiencies associated with this particular illness. The biggest issue is that it is not physically evident, that you are sick. And when you are around people, family especially, they see a normal healthy person. As far as they can tell when you tell them that you're in pain, is that you're simulating! And that is infuriating to hear. This illness is hidden inside and is acting slowly. This is what makes it extremely horrifying. And this brush-off mentality from the people who are supposed to be closest to you, hurt you without knowing it, and the pain they cause is much, much, much greater than anyone else trying to tell you that you're sick. Being dull and under-educated about what you have and scared to death that they will get it too. They don't realize the super important role they are supposed to play in getting you better! But what ends up happening is that they instantly burn out, and leave you alone with your thoughts of horror and death. And Only I can say Just how much patients of such illnesses need emotional support! They need another family member cheering him on, they need attention, so that they don't lose the train of thought that everything will be ok. That they are with us.....but NO. The Relatives get scared and disappear from your life totally and completely.
One other thing that I keep hearing over and over from people, "just eat healthy", I don't know where to begin on that. I'm talking about the well-wishers, not people who genuinely want you better.
We are all unique human beings. We react to "stressors" in our day-to-day life differently. Besides genes, we are surrounded by other factors that weigh-in on how we feel all the time. Our tolerance to endure through a stressful situation is also based on our individual experience with life. Our character forms over time and changes slightly over the years to weld together our final self, our soul.
One thing that makes us human and not robots is fear. It is out of fear that we are are driven toward different paths in life. Fear for our survival enables us to love. But there are two sides to the fear I'm talking about. A brighter and a darker side. We are given a choice to choose which side to live by. Of course, no one knows how they are "behaving" in life initially. We are all too busy living without thinking about the consequences of the way we act. However, there come times in life, such as obstacles that need to be overcome or events that drastically effect one's life that causes a trigger in our brains to evaluate or re-evaluate ourselves. Then we think, "How did we get to where we are today, was it something we did right or wrong?; What was it?; Was it even our doing?" "...What now, what do I do next?; How do I survive?..." ...I face these questions every single day. For some of us it is either easier or harder to get passed it depending on the situation.
...To Be Continued.
Nikita